I have been trying to find the balance between pushing myself to get better and making things worse.
Every day I try to spend more time going longer distances on one crutch. I started by going just three or four steps at a time and in only a week I have worked my way up to going from my desk to the lunch room at work. I’ve done it a couple of times a day for the last couple of days, and while tired and sore, I lived to tell the tale.
A few nights ago, I even walked* about 5 steps across my kitchen with no crutches at all! I was overjoyed, and then distraught that something so little could feel like such a huge accomplishment.
*And by walked I mean that I did an excellent impersonation of a zombie.
It’s hard to know whether the soreness I am feeling is the good kind. When I work out and push myself to do more reps, run farther, bike faster, I feel that sweet, sweet burn, that ache that tells me with every step that I am Alive and Strong. The soreness reminds me that I have done something Good for Myself.
But now, I don’t know. The lines have become blurred and I can’t tell when it’s enough. I am guessing, feeling my way around blindly. There is no choice but to trust my instincts. When I have a hunch that it’s enough, I stop. I confess I like things to be more scientific than that.
There are two things I don’t do well: uncertainty, patience and math.
As I struggle to find my balance, here is something that has been inspiring to me. I hope you will find Matt’s story to be inspiring as well.